Post by mskied on Apr 7, 2019 5:42:04 GMT -6
Thanks for reading this thread guys and gals, I appreciate that I have held something of a difficult voice on the forum ,and I especially know how annoying it might be to have someone posting multiple threads all over the place. This Magick journey started for me 20 years ago with some supernatural phenomenal and frankly, unbelievable things happening- things that for those that study Magick might not think so odd, but for myself, an agnostic, it was a startling revelation that began an extremely confusing journey of frantic learning and intense contemplation, accompanied by a great and terrible unknown presence which I can only name to be a demon, taunting and torturing me, accompanied with a thousand of its minions.
This might sound hard to believe, or easy- depending on your faith in what you believe- some people have accused me of lying over the years, many have yelled at me for my method of revealing what is happening, and often I am simply ignored, but when this began, I had no "real" Magickal training, only my own meandering philosophical methods based on some fragmented observations of Christianity and Judaism, with a sprinkle of Buddhism and a whole lot of specific contemplation about Love.
20 years ago, according to everything I have read since, I was thrown into the Abyss. This did not just happen, I actively began looking into the occult after being given a symbol directly from a spirit. The Abyss is not fun, and do not ever let anyone tell you otherwise. It is terrifying and painful, and it strips you of your mind and your free will, and forces you to participate in whatever the demons want to make you do. The interesting thing about these demons is that they are obviously named by me, brought into the chasm with what I knew at the time of initiation, and the things they became reflected my ignorance. Though they were not "alive" in the sense of outside of my mind, they were certainly alive within it. Essentially what happens is these things take life and you are forced to fight them to arrive at mastery over your ignorance about them.
This was 20 years ago, and back then I had almost zero understanding of what I had been tossed in the middle of. I sought help everywhere, asking in all corners of many places, and none but a few had only small knowledge about what I was telling them. Eventually I had to assume that what was happening to me does not happen to just anyone, and so after a number of years of observing and analyzing this event, I took it upon myself to act like an authority on it- though I have seen it written of here and there over the years. I do not know if the people that have written about it have first hand experience, or if they are merely academics, and I have slowly, at a painstakingly grueling and painful pace (also monetarily very costly) pieced together enough to see what I know of what someone else seems to be revealing. In the end I decided that some know, and some have read about what happens, and the two mix because the path of experience and the path of academia basically bring you to the same place of knowing.
These last few years have seen me advance at a rapid pace because I have forced my way through this Hell, determined to get the job done, and its a constant daily struggle to fight the demons and learn, and when I come to places like this, it is because I had determined 20 years ago to reveal to people the existence and nature of God, and felt it my holy obligation. Its true that I begin posting without concern if it is too much, mostly because I am so driven, and I have had to slow down and try to keep these things in one place because mods get upset that it becomes my board (And with good reason).
In all of this, I am quite insane, varying from pace to pace and condition to condition, and I am aware that many people with long hours of study know more than I, and so I apologize for coming off so zealously, but it is such a demand upon me that I was almost forced to cry out like this. Eugene said elsewhere that I had an adolescent need for approval, but it was not my need for approval, it was my need for this Truth to be heard, because of this "holy quest", which I have since realized is not even necessary. Billions of people believe in God, and spirits, and Magick- just because I had chosen to be agnostic does not mean that everyone else did. Many people have their faith and do what they can in the name of it, and are satisfied.
In the end, or at least- today, I am comfortable that the world is not ending. This was not the case 20 years ago. 20 years ago I had started to predict things that started to come true, including 9/11- and so I felt it my urgent obligation to see that these types of things do not repeat themselves. I have since started focusing on the education of our children, as I recognize one of my errors in life was my ignorance.
I hope everyone is settled in on my posts and not offended, that is not my aim- to offend, or to command- although when you experience something like this, it is hard not to speak with some strength of authority. Good day.
This might sound hard to believe, or easy- depending on your faith in what you believe- some people have accused me of lying over the years, many have yelled at me for my method of revealing what is happening, and often I am simply ignored, but when this began, I had no "real" Magickal training, only my own meandering philosophical methods based on some fragmented observations of Christianity and Judaism, with a sprinkle of Buddhism and a whole lot of specific contemplation about Love.
20 years ago, according to everything I have read since, I was thrown into the Abyss. This did not just happen, I actively began looking into the occult after being given a symbol directly from a spirit. The Abyss is not fun, and do not ever let anyone tell you otherwise. It is terrifying and painful, and it strips you of your mind and your free will, and forces you to participate in whatever the demons want to make you do. The interesting thing about these demons is that they are obviously named by me, brought into the chasm with what I knew at the time of initiation, and the things they became reflected my ignorance. Though they were not "alive" in the sense of outside of my mind, they were certainly alive within it. Essentially what happens is these things take life and you are forced to fight them to arrive at mastery over your ignorance about them.
This was 20 years ago, and back then I had almost zero understanding of what I had been tossed in the middle of. I sought help everywhere, asking in all corners of many places, and none but a few had only small knowledge about what I was telling them. Eventually I had to assume that what was happening to me does not happen to just anyone, and so after a number of years of observing and analyzing this event, I took it upon myself to act like an authority on it- though I have seen it written of here and there over the years. I do not know if the people that have written about it have first hand experience, or if they are merely academics, and I have slowly, at a painstakingly grueling and painful pace (also monetarily very costly) pieced together enough to see what I know of what someone else seems to be revealing. In the end I decided that some know, and some have read about what happens, and the two mix because the path of experience and the path of academia basically bring you to the same place of knowing.
These last few years have seen me advance at a rapid pace because I have forced my way through this Hell, determined to get the job done, and its a constant daily struggle to fight the demons and learn, and when I come to places like this, it is because I had determined 20 years ago to reveal to people the existence and nature of God, and felt it my holy obligation. Its true that I begin posting without concern if it is too much, mostly because I am so driven, and I have had to slow down and try to keep these things in one place because mods get upset that it becomes my board (And with good reason).
In all of this, I am quite insane, varying from pace to pace and condition to condition, and I am aware that many people with long hours of study know more than I, and so I apologize for coming off so zealously, but it is such a demand upon me that I was almost forced to cry out like this. Eugene said elsewhere that I had an adolescent need for approval, but it was not my need for approval, it was my need for this Truth to be heard, because of this "holy quest", which I have since realized is not even necessary. Billions of people believe in God, and spirits, and Magick- just because I had chosen to be agnostic does not mean that everyone else did. Many people have their faith and do what they can in the name of it, and are satisfied.
In the end, or at least- today, I am comfortable that the world is not ending. This was not the case 20 years ago. 20 years ago I had started to predict things that started to come true, including 9/11- and so I felt it my urgent obligation to see that these types of things do not repeat themselves. I have since started focusing on the education of our children, as I recognize one of my errors in life was my ignorance.
I hope everyone is settled in on my posts and not offended, that is not my aim- to offend, or to command- although when you experience something like this, it is hard not to speak with some strength of authority. Good day.
