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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2020 19:17:17 GMT -6
Howdy morning all! How are he all doing today? Today, just been catching up on sleep because I’ve had yet another bad night again last night.
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Post by mskied on Oct 14, 2020 20:42:20 GMT -6
Today was a landmark day, it was the first full day without thoughts or voices in many months. I am afflicted with a diseased brain, one that thinks too much and talks to myself about things that it doesnt understand. There is great pain along with this, which is probably why it is diseased, because over thinking in itself is not always bad, unless you cannot stop it, or cannot resolve it, which I often cannot.
I have trouble walking because I have spent so much of the last 20 years bedridden, and I got a little paranoid about it two days ago, so I started doing squats, which left me in great unstable pain for two days, but finally a few hours ago my muscles returned to normal, and I can walk again.
I fell ill when I was just 28 years old, and have spent the last 20 years on and off being sick and bedridden. When I was strong enough to get up and work, I did simple jobs and led a simple life, but was powerless. Now that I am nearly 50 I see that much of my opportunity to produce and provide for the world and myself has past me by. I realized this week that I get sick when I imagine, or try to create, or to define things, and so I have to reduce the stimulation input into my mind, and restrict my attempts at output, in order to maintain my sanity. This means doing very little, and so I enjoy the quiet, and my dinners, and am learning to breathe in the air and take in the scenery.
Ive lost my life and ability to love, but I love now greater than ever, thanks to a life of suffering. The sad thing is that I know that in suffering, there isnt much one can do for another, as there has been no comfort for me in mine, but I am a compassionate ear, and I can help with what I am able to do.
I fear that I will simply live in quiet, and comfort those that I can, and not be much of an exciting presence, or a creative one. I am certain that when God has thought that I have been here enough, I will simply fall asleep and never return. I look forward to embracing the peace of nothingness, and the absence of understanding.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2020 12:27:04 GMT -6
Happy Friday all! How’s it going so far with your day? Today, I’ve just taken a shower and a hair wash. Tonight, just playing some games on my phone before hitting the pillow.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2020 4:46:24 GMT -6
Happy weekend all! How are you? Today, I’ve just had leftover pizza with lemon iced tea for lunch. Tonight, just enjoying my usual Chinese TV show called : “The King’s Woman” before hitting the sack.
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Post by Belteshazzar on Oct 16, 2020 5:34:24 GMT -6
Happy weekend all! How are you? Today, I’ve just had leftover pizza with lemon iced tea for lunch. Tonight, just enjoying my usual Chinese TV show called : “The King’s Woman” before hitting the sack. Pizza and lemony drink sound good. And although I'm not in China, I enjoy international television more than American television. For me, even normal stuff is more interesting, just because it's international. For me, the work weekend is beginning. I'll be working all weekend, but that's ok. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2020 17:36:52 GMT -6
Heya sup there! How are you doing so far with your day? Today, I’ve just had leftover pizza with spring rolls and lemon iced tea for lunch. Tonight, just relaxing online before hitting the bed.
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Post by Belteshazzar on Oct 17, 2020 7:21:33 GMT -6
Mmmm, spring rolls.
My day is just beginning but already it's a doozy....really quite depressed today. Life drama making me very sad and nigh hopeless. But I hang on....and hang on....because really it's all I can do besides letting go, and that's not really an option, I suppose...
What I really hate is how deeply I am affected when I am very sad. The feelings are very debilitating. I just get totally knocked off the rails and feel like I can't do anything. Which sucks because there is a lot of stuff I need to do.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2020 18:09:14 GMT -6
Hello morning all! How are you? Today, I’ve just had leftover pizza with lemon iced tea for lunch again. Tonight, just playing some games on my Wii before heading to bed.
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Post by Belteshazzar on Oct 18, 2020 6:51:02 GMT -6
Hello morning all! How are you? Today, I’ve just had leftover pizza with lemon iced tea for lunch again. Tonight, just playing some games on my Wii before heading to bed. I got a Wii, but only a Wii, not a Wii U or anything more recent. Only a few games...some Mario and Zelda. That's about it. Today is better (so far) than yesterday, though it's really just begun. Working again. The drama situation has subsided a bit but the echoes are still felt. Just dealing with it the best way I know how and praying a lot. I do feel the praying helps. |
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Post by mskied on Oct 18, 2020 13:58:05 GMT -6
Im starting to feel like naiwen. I sleep and eat and play a few games, thats about it. I see my parents once a week, and a friend now and then, but mostly I am resting. Its been Hell, and I need to recover.
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Post by ashima on Oct 18, 2020 14:25:34 GMT -6
Think positive. Also try to busy yourself a bit doing things around your apartment.
So, we managed to get a whole store that sustained fire, water and destruction rebuilt. Still setting up, but the company is pretty impressed how quickly we all got ot together. It's been fun.
Got some new management and they are great
It's supposed to snow in Tuesday and they are calling it a snowstorm up to 6 inches.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2020 18:15:48 GMT -6
Heya sup there guys man! How are you today? Today, I’ve just had my 3 hours usual weekly therapy session both online and by phone. Tonight, I’m way too exhausted to do anything else but rest in bed before heading to sleep.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 19, 2020 17:48:00 GMT -6
Howdy sup there! How’s it going so far with your day? Today, because it’ll be raining for 3 days straight, just enjoying my usual TV show before heading the sack.
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Post by blackswan on Oct 19, 2020 19:09:32 GMT -6
Mmmm, spring rolls. My day is just beginning but already it's a doozy....really quite depressed today. Life drama making me very sad and nigh hopeless. But I hang on....and hang on....because really it's all I can do besides letting go, and that's not really an option, I suppose... What I really hate is how deeply I am affected when I am very sad. The feelings are very debilitating. I just get totally knocked off the rails and feel like I can't do anything. Which sucks because there is a lot of stuff I need to do. I'm sorry you are going through hard times right now Belt...I hope things get better for you soon ♥ |
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Post by blackswan on Oct 19, 2020 19:11:32 GMT -6
Think positive. Also try to busy yourself a bit doing things around your apartment. So, we managed to get a whole store that sustained fire, water and destruction rebuilt. Still setting up, but the company is pretty impressed how quickly we all got ot together. It's been fun. Got some new management and they are great It's supposed to snow in Tuesday and they are calling it a snowstorm up to 6 inches. Snow already!! well at least they aren't expecting 6 feet  Glad to hear you are back to work and doing good ♥ |
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