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Post by mskied on Jan 1, 2021 19:28:27 GMT -6
Another year to face. The last two were spent hallucinating and then capped with fighting demons, and lying in bed recovering. I pray this year is free from these things, I need time to heal.
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Post by ashima on Jan 3, 2021 6:27:04 GMT -6
Offering Suggestions
Go outside
Get a pet
Change your furniture around
Open the curtains
Draw
Paint
Dance
Play an instrument
Learn sign language
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Post by mskied on Jan 11, 2021 17:35:44 GMT -6
Today was good. Yesterday was good. The day before was ok. Things seem to be improving. What Im doing is working.
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Post by mskied on Jan 27, 2021 8:18:14 GMT -6
Time truly is the healer. When the suffering ends, it takes time to recover. Im feeling much better, though my thoughts tend to be dark, thinking about suicide still, and worrying about after life. I thought I had it all figured out, that life was a moral tale- and I still think that it could be, but I thought that mankind was meant to be moral when someone said we were meant to be immoral- because it takes so long to learn morality. I imagine that at the end of our days we have learned some, and what comes next, who knows?
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Post by mskied on Jan 28, 2021 20:20:45 GMT -6
So Ive developed this general anxiety over the vulnerable, human condition. I pursued perfect Wisdom for a long time, and found that there was very little of it, and in the meantime became obsessed with perfection, and perfect occurrences and actions. Now I find myself nearly paralyzed with the idea of getting into a car, or going shopping, so many things could happen. We are so fragile.
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Post by flan327 on Jan 31, 2021 8:00:10 GMT -6
I attended Catholic school for 8 years.
I believed everything the nuns told me...soaked it up like a sponge
We are all human. Perfection is, imho, an illusion
Treat yourself with kindness
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Post by mskied on Feb 6, 2021 18:15:54 GMT -6
So January has come and gone, seems like it went fast. October November and December were spent by me in bed, January saw me coming around more. Now its February and Im staying awake more. Its hard to believe, in retrospect, all that Ive been through, and its hard to believe that it almost seems like it wasnt as big as it was at the time. But no, Sept and August were Hell. Its crazy that it takes almost 6 months to recover from these bouts. I hope that was the last one, Im taking steps.
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Post by mskied on Feb 9, 2021 23:24:21 GMT -6
Feeling blessed today! Didnt think about death once!
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Post by primordialintent on Feb 14, 2021 16:13:16 GMT -6
Feeling blessed today! Didnt think about death once! Gotta live your life for today. It's the only one we've got. |
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Post by mskied on Feb 21, 2021 19:17:14 GMT -6
Im sort of trapped in a monks life. I have to meditate all day long to avoid the voices and hallucinations. The only thing preventing me from being satisfied with this new normal is my observation of our mortality. Things seem so fragile. I dont find that much is necessary to do, either. I have to sit silently anyway, so that is ok with me. Its a bit depressing, but Im adjusting. There are people that choose this kind of life. Ill manage.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2021 8:35:42 GMT -6
I assume you are receiving treatment for your schizophrenia, right? Have you ever tried a therapist who treats his patients according to Carl Gustav Jung's teachings? Jung had a different view on schizophrenia than regular psychology has. For Jung it was curable as far as I know. He says that schizophrenia is the result of a breakdown of a primarily neurotic person whose story has remained unheard. Only by listening carefully (therapist) and telling the story (you) can the reason and trigger of the schizophrenia be found and the "problem" solved. Maybe you should look for a Jungian psychotherapist, mskied... and have a try?
God bless!
And meditation is a great thing! Good to hear you are on that ship! <3
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Post by mskied on Feb 22, 2021 15:36:14 GMT -6
I dont have much choice of psychiatrists.
I figured out what I suffer from now that the voices have stopped; I suffer from bouts of despair.
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Post by mskied on Feb 26, 2021 22:07:23 GMT -6
The despair has lessened over the past days. I find that if I dont talk to God, I dont have despair. Im pretty steady nowadays, but my head is still sort of wound up. I find that I no longer have anything I need to share. There is no part of me that is dying to be understood. This makes bonding harder.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2021 15:49:13 GMT -6
The despair has lessened over the past days. I find that if I dont talk to God, I dont have despair. Im pretty steady nowadays, but my head is still sort of wound up. I find that I no longer have anything I need to share. There is no part of me that is dying to be understood. This makes bonding harder. Good. Why does it make bonding harder? I experience it the other way round. The less I need to be understood the more connected I feel. |
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Post by mskied on Mar 1, 2021 17:18:24 GMT -6
It makes it harder because theres no emotional transference from sharing thoughts/memories/experiences
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