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Post by mskied on Sept 5, 2022 22:08:40 GMT -6
I forgive you God.
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Post by mskied on Sept 13, 2022 0:06:38 GMT -6
The past few days Ive been feeling almost good. I feel good, I guess. Not great or anything, but it feels good to be me. Ive come to a conclusion about life and it took this weight off my mind. I finally finished my philosophical dilemma. Now if only I could trust that I will stay this way I could get back to work.
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Post by Belteshazzar on Sept 15, 2022 11:29:28 GMT -6
Rest is valid - especially if you need it. I know you don't feel like doing anything, but....do any hobbies or other worthwhile pursuits interest you? Something that would make you feel meaning and accomplishment. Something to take joy in. Im not interested in hobbies and I dont have the talent for any. Its okay, I just sit here or sleep. I do play an online game that keeps me busy for short periods. I could probably go back to working part time but then Id lose my housing and if I get sick again, I will need that. Im getting stronger. It sucks when you just want to give up. I also have to stay in this state so I dont get sick again. I dont want to get sick again, its terrifying and the recovery is long and the depression that follows is too painful. Im only 50, I dont know what the rest of my life is going to be like. I tell myself to be calm, that there is nothing that needs to be done, that it is okay that I rest. It is okay. You have special needs. Take care of yourself, man. Find something you like doing and immerse yourself in it. |
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Post by mskied on Oct 19, 2022 7:22:16 GMT -6
Ive gotten quite accustomed to doing nothing. Its almost a pleasure now. I sometimes think I should do this or that, and then I decide not to, and it gives me pleasure. I sit in this little apartment and do very little. I dont even watch tv. I feel almost good now, with a few days here and there that are painful.
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Post by Odin on Oct 19, 2022 9:47:33 GMT -6
Ive gotten quite accustomed to doing nothing. Its almost a pleasure now. I sometimes think I should do this or that, and then I decide not to, and it gives me pleasure. I sit in this little apartment and do very little. I dont even watch tv. I feel almost good now, with a few days here and there that are painful. Honestly, I think that's awesome. You do you, man. |
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Post by mskied on Nov 9, 2022 2:28:59 GMT -6
I dont know what my life would have been like if I hadnt fallen sick. I was at a dead end when the God spoke to me. I wasnt really much of a person anyway, but this really put a nail in the coffin as far as who I could become. Now I sit here being nothing and doing nothing. I was never a genius anyway.
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Post by mskied on Dec 13, 2022 14:23:16 GMT -6
Im feeling a lot better lately. The wires in my head have stopped being painful, and my depression from it has decreased dramatically. I still have thoughts of "How do they do that" or "Thats not safe" that keep me down, but overall I am in a good head space now. Im not sleeping as much either, where I used to go to sleep every couple of hours, not I stay up most of the day. Hope it stays like this, though I find myself with nothing to do.
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Post by mskied on Jan 16, 2023 10:50:48 GMT -6
The Christian Bible came about because the ancient philosophers, mainly Aristotle, narrowed God down to the "Unmoved Mover". He declared that there is no greater power than the One God. The philosophers and Jews at the time worked to create a religious text that could comprehend this God. Prior to the One God of Aristotle, there were many Gods, and they all had different aspects and motives. The Jews believed that God was Good, and so they wondered how there is Evil in the world. That is when they declared there to be a rival to God. They said that before the fall of mankind, there was no Evil in the world, but that we were tempted to eat from the proverbial tree of Good and Evil, in other words, we started to think and become aware. Then Sin entered the world and we fell. The Jews didnt like Sin or Evil, so they demonized lust and desire, something that entered our awareness thanks to the Serpent, which probably dates back to an older Serpent religion. The Jews were waiting for a messiah to aid them in their governing of their culture and save them from their warfaring neighbors. But the Christian thinkers took this one step further and decided that the messiah would remove Sin from the Earth altogether, and so they have the perfect man Jesus, who was Divine and without Sin. The Jews sacrificed to their God, and so Jesus, who was the perfect person, was sacrificed to the God to remove Sin from the world. However, as we can all see, Sin and lust and desire are still here, but the hope is that if you follow the Christian teachings, you will live a life without Sin and lust and desire, and be Good. Jesus also took on the aspect of savior and forgiver, and the Christians look to him for salvation.
Thelema is a religion that tries to handle the Serpent and desire more accurately than to deny it. Their God is Chaos, for it is chaos that is caused by desire and the unrestrained emotions of love.
For myself, I think we are denying who we are, and who God is. I think that the true God is like us, with all of our aspects, and is both Good and Evil. For what Good God would allow such suffering? Suffering is part of our biological condition. It is part of our environment and its natural disasters. We should not invent stories to protect God from the awareness that God created this space, and these are parts of our journey. We should also not deny our desires for the sake of a calm life. They are natural and necessary for the enjoyment of life.
I say this even though I am a man of little desire. But in my youth, I did pursue my dreams, and I was happy. I grieve over the distress that desire causes, but I also grieve over the absence of it.
If not for my illness, I am at peace. I never wanted to be a man of peace, but it is all that I have now.
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